Merry Murders: Netflix Murder Mysteries for the Holidays

As you think the holiday season might be coming to a close, try to remember in your drunken stupor that Christmas originally was a no-holds-barred feast that lasted thirteen whole days, from the 25th of December to the 6th of January.  It was actually referred to as the 12 Days of Christmas (the song's starting to make sense now, huh?) since Christmas Day, the 25th, was just too freakin' awesome to count...or perhaps there was just too much drinking to realize how many days were actually passing.

So, as you enjoy stuffing your face for twelve feast days - I know I am - you might want something to watch. Internet television has invaded our lives and has really become more useful than cable or satellite. If these shadows of the future remain unchanged, I see the day when cable goes the way of broadcast television. But that's nothing to be sad about; it's not Tiny Tim, no one will miss it: there's Netflix (and Hulu and the rest).

By now you've probably watched all the yearly favorites and need something new. Murder is always good for the holidays! There's something terribly English about a Christmas murder mystery. It seems all the good series have to do it. Here's a few of my favorite Christmas murderous moments from British television, and one Australian show, all available on Netflix for the immediate watching. I have tried to pick episodes that can stand on their own without being familiar with the series in case you are just jumping in for the holidays.

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*2017 update: Netflix has declared war on Poirot and removed the show from online streaming, so you will have to rent or purchase. As a booby prize, however, check out Father Brown: season 5, episode 1 for The Star of Jacob - for a Christmas kidnapping.

Hercule Poirot

 

 With it's detailed plot-lines and amusing characters, Poirot is my favorite Agatha Christie moving-pictures adaption. The modern detective show, Monk, borrows strongly from the character of the obsessively neat and often exasperated Hercule. Despite that, Poirot can also be a very loving character and expresses a real kindness and desire to help people, which makes for a heartwarming Christmas choice.

"The Adventure of the Christmas Pudding, or The Theft of the Royal Ruby" 

Season 3  Ep. 9

Note: on Netflix this episode is called simply by the latter half of the name.

   With his usual cohorts, Miss Lemon and Capt. Hastings, away for the holidays, the detective Hercule Poirot is looking forward to a quiet Christmas by himself with a demi-kilo of fine chocolates. His plans are thwarted by the theft of a priceless jewel belonging to the Prince of Eygpt (no, not that prince). Poirot is reluctantly sent to a country house to track it down with the help of some children and a Christmas pudding.  
   In this episode, 1930s political intrigue may darken Poirot's doorstep, but it will certainly lighten your holiday, especially since the death-count remains low. The charm of the funny little detective during the holiday scene of making and eating a traditional Christmas pudding is not to be outdone.

"Hercule Poirot's Christmas" 

Season 6  Ep. 1

   Our quirky little Belgian detective is once again thwarted in his plans for a quiet Christmas at home when his apartment's radiators break down. He chooses warmth over solitude and takes up a case at a heated mansion for the Christmas season. Family passions and the deadly lure of African diamonds loom ominously over their joyful holiday.
   Despite the name, this is actually the second Yuletide we've spent with Poirot, if you've been watching them in order. The Christmas season is mostly a backdrop to a carefully planned murder, but a nicely done backdrop nonetheless. A nod to the detective's penchant for Christmas Belgium chocolates at the beginning gave me a bit of a giggle.

Midsomer Murders

The stalwart, yet Britishly impish Chief Inspector Barnaby and his Sargent sidekicks are called in to investigate murders in the Midsomer area. This comfortably English detective show waits until the seventh season to present their first Christmas themed episode. And so we begin with -- 

 

 

"Ghosts of Christmas Past" 

Season 7  Ep. 7

   Nine years ago a suicide of a professional magician marred the Christmas celebrations of one unlucky family, and this year it may be coming back to haunt them. Chief Inspector Barnaby must split his Christmas between family time with his in-laws and solving this tricky case.
   Nothing says Christmas like suicide! Although we get to see plenty of scenes with Brits in Christmas paper hats, the holiday theme is subtler than others on this list. This episode deals with family, and to many Christmas is about the gathering of our relations. What does family mean? What should it mean? And what dark secrets do families hide? Midsomer Murders never fails to take an extensive look into the human psyche. As a bonus, slight of hand and magic is the "side quest" of the episode and anyone who loves a good carnival will enjoy. It is a magical season after all!

"Days of Misrule"

Season 11  Ep. 6

  Despite the incredibly clever name, the rest of the episode has little to do with Christmas. In fact, it's a fairly forgettable episode all together and I'm not really recommending it. There is one hilarious gem scrunched up in there:

Click to enlarge

There, I just saved you two hours.

Miss Fisher's Murder Mysteries

 

This absolutely delightful Australian show centers around a Miss Phryne Fisher, private detective. Sporting a strong female lead, this show is racier and flashier than the other two series mentioned here. No expense is spared to keep the illusion that we are, in fact, in the roaring 20's.

"Murder Under the Mistletoe"

Season 2  Ep. 13

    Miss Fisher and the rest of her Aussie gang head up to a mountain chalet for a snowy Christmas in July (remember it's the Australian wintertime). Murder always follows Phryne Fisher and strange accidents began to happen, and past misdeeds return to haunt Aunt Prudence and her family, remembering another Christmas long ago when the nearby mine caved in. Of course murder is in their future, to the tune of The Twelve Days of Christmas.

 

  While this may not be the best murder mystery Phryne has to offer, she certainly delivers when it comes to murderous Christmas charm. Miss Fisher's Murder Mysteries can be counted on to be beautifully period, from masterfully designed costumes to delightful set pieces and props, and "Murder Under the Mistletoe" is no exception. It makes you want to be in the snow covered mountain chalet with them...
 

...minus the murder, of course.

  Unlike many murder mystery series, Miss Fisher's episodes have a story arc that continues through the year. "Mistletoe", however, is fairly self contained and I think can be enjoyed by holiday newcomers to the series.


Have you got a favorite holiday murder mystery?

Jack & Coke Float

Just what the title implies. A drink simple yet amazing - so simple you'll wonder why you haven't been drinking it for years. As far as I know I invented it, but I'm sure there's a few crazies out there that thought of it first.

The following recipe is perfect for two, since a can of coke can be split between you. I like to put a large amount of ice cream in mine and so it takes up a lot of room, but mix your drink however you want. This isn't rocket science.

• 1 shot of Jack Daniels (or other whiskey of choice)
• 1/2 can of coke
• 1 large scoop of ice cream

Pour the shot of whiskey in a large glass or sundae cup. Add the coke second so the carbonation will mix the drink for you. Then delicately lower the rounded scoop of ice cream into the top of the drink. Or, if you're on your second (or third) drink, fling three chunks of ice cream in, dug out of the carton with a tablespoon. Best enjoyed with a spoon and a straw.

When it comes to personal choices, I am a Jack fan, especially Gentleman's Jack, and the mellow flavor is perfect for this adventure. If you use a different brand be sure to choose oaky over tangy. I am also more inclined towards Coke-a-Cola (on the rare occasions I drink soda) since Pepsi tastes saccharin-like to me. Following the responsible part of Responsible Debauchery, I don't use dairy so legally I'm using "frozen dessert". I love to use So Delicious coconut milk ice cream; the coconut fat just melts into the drink... Yums!

That's how I like a Jack & Coke Float. How do you like yours?

Not All Android Games Are Hopeless

I'm not a big gamer. It's a rare occasion I'm moved to like a game. I am disappointed with the games on mobile devices, especially. In a phone or tablet we have a unique gaming system that could be unlike any other. Not just the mobility, but the little items that are standard on almost any device could be used to make really interesting games: touch screen, GPS, the ability to know which way the player is facing or whether the device is tilted. Isn't that what the Wii was supposed to do, BTW? But no, lets just reprogram Facebook Games to work without Flash. *Sigh*

Then, on occasion, you get surprised. I downloaded Hopeless: The Dark Cave from Google Play on to my Samsung Galaxy Tablet. It's free, but it had been sitting on my Wishlist for for months because I doubted the amount of fun I was going to have with it. Yet it intrigued me. Your characters are in the dark with monsters coming at them. Sounds pretty basic, doesn't it? I'm not sure what I expected, but it wasn't what I got.

The game started up with little intro or explanation. Your character is in a dark area, locking and loading. Nothing moves but your blob character, shivering. You hear dripping in the background. You see movement, but wait...it's a friend. He joins you. There's a monster, tap, bang, he's dead. OK, this seems pretty simple. But Hopeless was a dark horse. 30 seconds into the game I was shrieking and smacking my tablet with both hands trying to keep up, while not blowing my own guys heads off.

The simple and almost cute graphics still contained a surprising amount of suspense, and the haunted house sounds in the background immerse you in the mood. It may not be Silent Hill, and you may not feel like playing it for hours at a time, but it's clever with a good interface. Taking advantage of the touchscreen, during rushes so many monsters are coming at you, you need both hands and multiple fingers to fight them off. I have only played this on my 10 inch tablet, but my thought is that on a screen smaller than 7 inches, your hands will probably get in the way of seeing the game, but do let me know how it works for you if you play with a smaller device (...that's what she said?).

If you don't like this game...well, I don't really give a fuck, because I like it and that's all that matters. Cheers!